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It’s only weird if you make it weird …

3/23/2017

8 Comments

 
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Ok, some things are actually weird. Every once in awhile, completely randomly, maybe once or twice a year, a single long white hair grows out of my face, right in the middle of my cheek.  One day nothing and the next day a snow white, bristly 5” long hair.  Well, not actually 5” but long enough where it’s absurd to think it could’ve grown overnight.

Recently my world has gone through a transformation.  I resigned from the company I had been working with for 32 years and took a position with an organization in Oakland, CA, pseudo moving from Austin, TX.  “Pseudo” because my house and everything (sans clothes, vehicle and dogs) are still in Texas.

It’s been a challenging few months. For the majority of my life career took priority. This leg of my path began with a gentle continual tugging feeling scattered with an occasional panic.  “What the heck am I doing?” “What about my house?”  “What about my 32 years?” “What about everyone I work with?” etc etc etc (side note – I can never write “etc” without thinking of the movie “The King and I” - love that movie).  There seemed to be so many reasons, including a huge comfort, to NOT do this.

Eventually it became beneficial, sort of necessary, to create a visualization and mantra.  The visualization entailed hands cupped around the outsides of my eyes, like blinders, and the mantra whispering in my ear “just one more step”, “just one more step”, “you can always change your mind”, “you can stop at any time”, “just one more step”.  As time went on I’d like to say the anxiety waned, maybe it did a little, but mostly I began to trust in the one more step.

As you can imagine there was a great deal of self reflection and introspection.  I’ve always considered myself spontaneous, free spirited even. Maybe this sounds weird after just saying I’ve had the same employer for over half my life.  But during these years, I’ve never hesitated to take on completely different roles or challenges, including those which were in different parts of the US.  Once moving within 4 days notice.  Yes, moving, presented with an opportunity on a Tuesday, packing everything up (well, it wasn’t that much back then), loading a u-haul and, boom, outta there Friday afternoon.  And that was with work. Personally, I could travel on a moment’s notice.  A sister could call me (or I call a sister) on a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and suggest we meet in Zion’s on the weekend and we’re there! Or head to Laughlin after work for just the evening or once, sitting around with friends having brunch one Saturday morning when an advertisement for cheap flights to Vegas came over the radio.  We paid the tab, drove to the airport and flew to Vegas.  And, you know what? Looking back, I regret none of those times. They created great memories!

So throughout this process the spontaneous side of me was saying “do it, move, it’ll be fine” but the older me, who now owned more stuff and worked with so many people I truly adored was saying “whoa, slow down, do you really want to do this?”.  I relied on my mantra and what seemed like unwavering confidence from my sisters to keep going and follow the tug. 

At 5:00 pm on my last day, I picked up my work cell phone and selected the option to revise the voicemail greeting “Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of AECOM Gulf Southwest Regional Project Controls.  If you have a question or need support regarding project controls please dial ….. “.  Tears welled and a lump grew in my throat as I came to the realization that until that very moment I really didn’t really know positively for sure I’d truly follow through and make this change.

Now when someone finds out about my recent move, their first question is “did you sell your house?” I find my self feeling weird saying “no, all my stuff is there and I’m not sure when I’ll get it taken care of” but maybe if I start saying it with more confidence like it’s perfectly normal to start a new job, move `1500 miles and not have sold your house or move your belongings, they won’t think it’s weird either, you think? If I don’t make it weird, it won’t really be weird, right?!?!

Happy Spring!

P.S. I started to wonder, as usual, what the actual meaning of weird.  According to dictionary.com,
                  Weird: involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny
Weirdly enough I wasn’t expecting this definition :-)

P.P.S. Know anyone who wants to rent a furnished house with an incredible view of Lake Travis in Lago Vista, TX?
​

8 Comments
Pat McKenzie
3/23/2017 10:35:51 pm

Ehhhh no worries. If you needed anything in the house you would have grabbed it- it's only stuff❤

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Sylvia link
3/24/2017 08:09:11 am

Thanks Pat. You know what I miss the most? My kitchenaide mixer! I gotta figure out how to fly out, put it in a big suitcase and bring it back :-)

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Katy
3/26/2017 07:53:34 pm

I have always admired your ability to make a decision and stick with it! I have an idea 🤔 your Lago Vista house would be a great place to host a Sister on Purpose retreat😀 I love you and I know as difficult as this decision was to make, it was one of the best ones you have made in your life. Embracing this year of transformation!

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Sylvia
3/26/2017 08:19:57 pm

Thanks Katy - I love you too and appreciate your support.

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Jen Gaston
3/26/2017 09:31:18 pm

Glad you made the move and are starting a new chapter in your life. Buy a new kitchenaide in a bright new color! When I'm all recovered I would love to see you. Miss you lots 💕

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Sylvia
3/27/2017 07:50:37 am

Thanks Jen and you're right - no one can have too many kitchenaides :-). Hope you're healing well, can't wait to see you!

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Marie Christman
3/30/2017 12:03:38 pm

Congratulations on starting your new chapter,even though it can be scary & unnerving. What an amazing thing you have done, as usual you are an inspiration to all. I have always believed the best time to leave a job or career is to do it while you still love it. It just so happens it also is the hardest time to do it.
P.S. I don't think it is weird you left the house & belongings.....as long as you took the dogs, haha!

Reply
Sylvia
3/30/2017 01:42:43 pm

Thanks Marie, you're an inspiration yourself, you know? ?

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“The desire to be and have a sister is a primitive and profound one that may have everything or nothing to do with the family a woman is born to. It is a desire to know and be known by someone who shares blood and body, history and dreams, common ground and the unknown adventures of the future, darkest secrets, and the glassiest beads of truth.”  — Elizabeth Fishel

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